Thursday, March 13, 2008

Waiting for DaGoat

Scene 1

The Scene is a kitchen table on a bare stage. It's early morning.

Me: Does Duchess look pregnant to you? I can't tell if she's just fat and shaggy or pregnant.

Darling Husband (DH): I don't know. Will you make a cup of coffee? (I go over to the coffee pot)

Me: I'm pretty sure Buddy bred her, but I can't tell if she's really pregnant. I hope we have two goats.

DH: That's nice. I hope so, too. (I hand him the coffee). I got a lot of calls today, so don't hold dinner.

Me: Do you need the phone? I was going to check my email.

DH: No, I'll use my cell phone.

Scene 2 several days later. It's lunch time.

DH: Hey, have you seen my notebook anywhere? (I hand him the notebook from the other room) I looked at Duchess when I went by. She's strating to look pregnant.

Me: Yeah, I think so. Her udder is starting to swell up. But I can't really be sure yet.

DH: Look at her hips from the back. She really looks pregnant then.

Me: Do you want a sandwich for lunch? Yeah, you can't tell she's anything much from the front.

DH: OK. I'll have a sandwich. Her right side looks bigger than her left. Is that what it's supposed to look like.

Me: Yeah that's normal. Do you want cheese? I got American and Provolone.

DH: Provolone sounds nice.

Me: I'll bet she has her kids during the 28 degree night we're supposed to have tomorrow. Probably in the sleet.

DH: (eating his sandwich) Yeah, right. (finishes sandwich) See ya' later. (He walks out the door)

Scene 3 A week later. DH is nowhere to be seen. I'm on the phone.

Me: No. No baby goats yet. Yeah she sure looks pregnant. (pause) yeah. yeah. I know. I hope she has them soon. OK (pause) OK. That'll work. See you tomorrow. Bye. (hangs up phone and talks to dog). Hey, boy. come here. Let's go look at the goats. Come on. Let's go (they exit)

Scene 4 Two days later. It's evening. DH is in the kitchen drinking coffee. I come walking in.

DH: Hey, you got to see this. I got something to show you.

Me: Hold on. (I put a small object down on the table and lay down a purse and a bag) I'll be right there.

DH: (goes over to camera and turns it on) You gotta see this. (I walk up to him and look at the camera as he pushes buttons)

Me: Oh look. how cute. Hey that's Duchess!

DH: Yep. She had her babies. I was there. It was cool

Me: Alright! How many?

DH: Two - a boy and a girl.

Me: Cool. I wish I had been there.

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